| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|12:01 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the freest man - tilly and the wall | ] |
this boy i know, he has a heart of glass
it is gold inside but it has crystalized
it is beautiful but in it's tragedy
it is hard to hold without shattering
he calls himself at night, in soft overchords
keeps coming back to it his voice in echo chords
till the sound's so thick it turns the sky to smoke
and the greyest days the predictions told
but this boy I know, he is pure of soul
just get's lost sometimes in his chemicals
under a coat of night, it's oh-so-comforting
and that first breaking light becomes his enemy
he calls so late tonight, it is 4 a.m.
he is drunk, he can't find his apartment
I don't like how it feels when i think of him
all hooded in black, lost and stumbling
the days start to fade out of the frame
like their blurring into to someone else's name
you try your hardest to do what it takes
but you're prepared everyday
to make the same mistakes
step out of that life
it's nowhere near your time
just remember you called it all bullshit
well, it is and if you stop giving into it
you can walk away the freest man
this boy i know lives in a bell jar
it is balancing up on it's pedestal
he tries not to upset the weight of conscience
afraid it's so far to fall if no one catches him
but I've been there too, and I swear to god
if I can help you, please, you've got to tell me how
I know you've been away, and it can break you down
and I don't want you gone
all the cracks you see can be repaired
and if you start to fall, we will be there
don't drown yourself in all your old regrets
because that heavyness will steal away your breath
step out of that life
it's nowhere near your time
and don't forget that you called it all bullshit
well it still is and if you stop giving into it
you will walk away the freest man
shake your head
loosen that grip
raise up your fist
you are the freest man
open your mouth
scream it out loud
forget all your doubts
you are the freest man |
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| a tid bit of my favorite convo with los |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:26 pm] |
HitJulius: keep on keepin tha fuck on
HitJulius: and make it happen
HitJulius: everything is gonna be a ok
HitJulius: b/c although the only person i need in this world is phisiologically "myself"
HitJulius: i still love and appreciate the gifts the poeple i have know, and what nicks and pokes the so graciously / half assedly chisled away at my fuckin soul or being,
HitJulius: they helped
HitJulius: or hurt
HitJulius: but either way, its did something
brandnewrach: hey
HitJulius: i must make absolutly no sense
brandnewrach: i know what you mean
brandnewrach: i really do
HitJulius: thank you
brandnewrach: like, without those experiences, we wouldnt be a whole person
HitJulius: but the glorious up/downside
HitJulius: is that we will never know
brandnewrach: yeah. man life is so short
HitJulius: i hate saying "what if " i would have done this
HitJulius: b/c it sparks a wild fire of chain thoughts
brandnewrach: oh god yeah it does
HitJulius: it twist and breaks and corners and stops into wild tangents
brandnewrach: and there are so many choices, every little thing effects this and that and its crazy
HitJulius: till you take comfort in the word "yet"
HitJulius: at least "this " hasnt happened "yet"
HitJulius: but this "this" maybe something so mountainous in dwarfing the former mole hill...
HitJulius: that "this" is not probable of heppening
HitJulius: this= originally a grain of sand
HitJulius: "this" manifest into an extravigant elaboration
HitJulius: of what could never be
HitJulius: dood
HitJulius: im fuckin out there tonight
brandnewrach: you're so brilliant |
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| i want to wake up with the rain... |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|09:24 pm] |
this music makes me feel soft and somber and peaceful and simple and at ease. i think i would go nuts without music like this.
"i want to walk with you on a cloudy day
in fields where the yellow grass grows knee high"
i think of the nature park that i spent a lot of my childhood at where i could get away from it all, at least for a little bit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|03:47 pm] |
good things:
i got my year evaluation. i am up to 9.50! woo.
living at home again is good, i am getting out of debt and back to being able to having somewhat of a life.
me, davy, chase, carlos, and nick are most likely going to seattle in december.
i have been running every day this week and i am starting to go from feeling sick afterwards to feeling good.
i have off work friday night-monday night!
i will be 21 at the end of this month!
not-so-good things:
i am not eating a bunch of junk food anymore...salads don't fulfill my appetite though
i have a test tomorrow
no Lagwagon tonight.. damn class :(
life is good when i can think of more good things than bad things. |
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| how bout some extra cheese with that? |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|09:55 pm] |
|
hello! I am in Wisconsin right now. The weather is actually pretty much the same as in Texas, maybe 5 degrees cooler. We usually come in the winter when there is 2 feet of snow on the ground, but it's still beautiful here around the summer time. I love the time that I have gotten to spend with my family, and their cute Northern accents always remind me of where home is. Grandma's house hasn't changed a bit. It still gives me a warm feeling just walking in. My grandmother is pretty much the sweetest person in the world. I hope that someday, when I am her age, I was still be as loving and positive as she is. We come back on wednesday. I can't wait to see davy and my dog and my cat and my friends. I've bought Starbucks once since I have been gone. Not too bad huh? I am pretty addicted though :| Bedtime for now. Pictures to come... :) |
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| yessssss! |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|05:21 pm] |
tonight!! tonight!!
>tilly and the wall & now it's overhead show
>party at jeff's
tomorrow!!!!
>warped tour all day
>albatross allll night
sunday sunday sunday!!
>help daddio move
>take boat out on lake
tuesday!!
>the bbq extravaganza of a life time
>blowin up shit |
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| a brief summary of a boggled mind |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|04:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he'll never bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man." -Mark Twain
I continue to be fascinated with the simple fact that we are given the opportunity to learn so much every day, just by taking everything in with prosperity and truth, yet so much is still pushed away or ignored. An enemy can be just as close as a friend. and vice versa. Me and Jessie put in our 30 days notice at the house. Time to finish packin' and such. I am disappointed in the Mavs performance last night but it was not entirely their fault. I hate how refs and bad calls can pretty much determine any game. It just ain't fair. Yesterday we took my dad's boat out to the lake, got some sun, and ate some greasy food. Despite the choppyness of the water, it was quite relaxing. I love my Daddio.
Time to run some errands. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|09:25 pm] |
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This life has not been easy for me. for you. I can let my emotions get the best of me. I can run from things I do not want to see, but I cannot hide my heart from things that I do not want to feel. But I will by loyal. I will not steal your skittles. I will not drink your Shiner. I will not wear your heart like a pair of underwear. Thank You to my loving family and my good friends for their endless understanding and support, through my best times and my worst times. You are my blood, sweat, and tears. |
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| all is well, lads. |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|11:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
the mavs won tonight and are going to the finals for the first time in their franchise history. gotta love me some dirk, terry, and mr. avery johnson. i know sports are kinda dorky but basketball is really fun to watch and it's basically what i grew up on, also it's nice to just be able to sit around watching the game and have an amazing time. woot. i am at my parents house right now, just to visit and such. i am still unaware of my living situation for next semester, either back to my parents or a lovely town house with my friend lauren. we both fell in love with it when we got a tour of one the other day. sigh. i drank too much last night, although mingling with old and new friends in the sun room is always a good time. this week should be a fantastic one. wednesday me and davy are going to another musical at the music hall in dallas. the last one, Little Women, was gorgeous but sad. Thursday we are going to an art museum, possibly the modern. haven't been there in awhile. still need to go their with my bro too like we have been planning on. Oh yes, Frappuccinos will be the death of me. Me and Melissa made about 562 of them today. When you order your drink, please don't start it out with, "um yes, i NEED a..." because you really don't effing need a drink from starbucks. Although sometimes I do wonder if they put crack in the ingredients. i'm getting sleepy, i think that's all. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2006|11:23 pm] |
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't apologize so much
That it's jive it's a crutch
I just used when I'm judged
Bein' fudged by a face I can't erase and can't see
Cuz I misplaced a dossier or Monty Python CD
Or somethin' stupid like that
But jesus is that so bad
To make my ego go splat
Like a tire goin' flat
Or fat on a big mac
I'm bein' attacked
Tit for tat
You fuckin' bureaucrats
You can just apologize back
I'm sorry for the mess
The stupid way I'm dressed
I guess I failed my test
Oh don't you know I'm sorry for my views
I musta been confused
And yet you know that really I'm sorry for you |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2006|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades,
waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
I'm making my plans for revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge
I'd drive straight off the edge
Taking your own life with boredom,
I'm taking my own life with wine -
it helps you to rule out the sorrow,
it helps me to empty my mind
Making the most of a bad time
I'm smoking the brains from my head
Leaving the coal calling the kettle black and orange and red
This kettle is seeing red
I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall |
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| can't get enough |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|03:41 am] |
HitJulius: i love you
HitJulius: i know everything for you is gonna be a ok
HitJulius: a-o mutha fuckin kay
HitJulius: you deserve it
HitJulius: fuck all those naysayers
HitJulius: and i dont know of many
HitJulius: everyone i know loves you
HitJulius: and has only good things so speak of you
brandnewrach: really?
HitJulius: i dotn even think i need to waste the tiem sayuin it
HitJulius: my brother says your kicks ass
HitJulius: kim and sara
HitJulius: rachel
HitJulius: JP
HitJulius: Nat , who you introduced me too
HitJulius: Nick tha brit
HitJulius: rob style
HitJulius: chuck
HitJulius: willie
brandnewrach: man i love nick
HitJulius: willie got so pissed at nathan when he was botherign you at j-los bday
HitJulius: At that club
brandnewrach: yeah ugggh
HitJulius: you got an army
HitJulius: and you dont know it
HitJulius: you should spend a week with me and willie this summer
HitJulius: us and the neighbors are going to build a giant slip and slide out of tarps and k-y jelly
HitJulius: and see how many bitches from tha neiighba'hood we can scamm into some titty swapppin
HitJulius: you dig
brandnewrach: that would be so fun
brandnewrach: can i really?
brandnewrach: ill fuckin take off work
brandnewrach: and just chill with you guys
HitJulius: you do it
HitJulius: ill be in school
HitJulius: but for like just 2 hours a day
HitJulius: at the most
HitJulius: and be home in the early afternoon
HitJulius: get baked
brandnewrach: hahaha
HitJulius: drink beer by the pool
HitJulius: go to shitty local shows
HitJulius: talk shit
brandnewrach: yeaah! |
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|
| done and done |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|03:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
HitJulius: yowza
brandnewrach: hey hunnay
brandnewrach: whats goin on?
HitJulius: nigga im supa' fly t.n.t., tha' GUNS of tha' Navarone! terrin' up ya' battle zone!
brandnewrach: hehehehehe
brandnewrach: man
brandnewrach: i need me some carlos
HitJulius: manom an
HitJulius: i needs some waffles
HitJulius: and so shopp
HitJulius: shooooop*
HitJulius: im so fucked up
HitJulius: OH MY GAWD!!!!!!
brandnewrach: hahaha
HitJulius: LEVEL 13!
HitJulius: mutha fucka
brandnewrach: what what!!
HitJulius: im not your typical anylitical figure....im not left wing or right wing, im tha middle finger
HitJulius: doood
HitJulius: im obliterated
HitJulius: i have found comfort in total anhilation of the chillest temperatures and condolences
HitJulius: fuck
brandnewrach: you're lovely
HitJulius: thank you my dear
HitJulius: im sorry to hear of your rescent trouboles
HitJulius: with nate
HitJulius: i would have liked to believe he was a good guy, and i always gave him the benifit of the doubt.
brandnewrach: oh carlos you dont know how much i tried
brandnewrach: to believe he was a good guy
HitJulius: i know i dont
HitJulius: im sure he is b/c i think all peopel i have had the pleasure/displeasur of meeting i have appreciated
brandnewrach: at some moments
HitJulius: theres som mu'fuckas that i know who know people i know, so im midleman aquanited, ...those mu'fuckas i just pretend to like
brandnewrach: that doesnt mean i didnt have good times with him
HitJulius: i feel you
brandnewrach: but the bad times were BAD
brandnewrach: sigh
HitJulius: i would like to offer this in the most humbel conversational starter
HitJulius: we are not that old, yet
HitJulius: pititols , stlill
HitJulius: so always consider this grim yet fair interpretation of this ....
HitJulius: ......its not that bad...
HitJulius: ....if we are scared to pass of fail a test
HitJulius: id does no good to cram 16 seconds prior to the first test handed out
HitJulius: we pass or we fail that is all
HitJulius: just fuckin sit there
HitJulius: fail it once , if you gotta
HitJulius: then maybe, a 2nd ....3rd tiem
HitJulius: shit fuck it, 4ths a charm
HitJulius: keep on keepin tha fuck on
HitJulius: and make it happen
HitJulius: everything is gonna be a ok
HitJulius: b/c althouygh the only person i need in this world is phisiologically "myself"
HitJulius: i still love and appreciate the gifts the poeple i have know, and what nicks and pokes the so graciously / half assedly chisled away at my fuckin soul or being,
HitJulius: they hellped
HitJulius: or hurt
brandnewrach: yeah
brandnewrach: they make you stronger man
HitJulius: but either way, its did something
brandnewrach: yeah
brandnewrach: hey
HitJulius: i must make absolutly no sense
brandnewrach: i know what you mean
brandnewrach: i really do
HitJulius: thank you
brandnewrach: like, without those experiences, we wouldnt be a whole person
HitJulius: but the glorious up/downside
HitJulius: is that we will never know
brandnewrach: yeah. man life is so short
HitJulius: i hate saying "what if " i would have done this
HitJulius: b/c it sparks a wild fire of chain thought
HitJulius: s
brandnewrach: oh god yeah it does
HitJulius: it twist and breaks and corners and stops into wild tangents
brandnewrach: and there are so many choices in life, every little thing effects this and that and its crazy
HitJulius: till you take comfort in the word "yet"
HitJulius: at least "this " hasnt happend "yet"
HitJulius: but this "this" maybe somethign so mountiainous in dwarfinng the former mole hill...
HitJulius: that "thias" is not probable of heppening
HitJulius: this= origianally a grain of sand
brandnewrach: okay you're kind of losing me now
HitJulius: "this" manifest into an extravigant elaboration"
brandnewrach: but i am kind of understanding
HitJulius: of what could never be
HitJulius: dood
HitJulius: im fuckin out there tonight
brandnewrach: you're so brilliant
HitJulius: dood
HitJulius: save this convo and blog it
HitJulius: so i can copy it
HitJulius: later
brandnewrach: you have no idea how much you just said makes sense
brandnewrach: i will do that
HitJulius: b/c im too fucked up to save it myself
HitJulius: that way i can snag it from you later
HitJulius: and you can bring it up when im no longer anibrhiated so heavily
brandnewrach: will do :-)
HitJulius: and we cac, youknow....
HitJulius: make it happen
HitJulius: eveery word of this crazy shit
HitJulius: we gonna' be riiithc,....biotch
brandnewrach: what?
brandnewrach: hahaha
HitJulius: i said....
HitJulius: ....IM RICTH!!! BI'OTCH!!!!
HitJulius: ,man i got some cool music to slid to you
HitJulius: but that is too be continuied
brandnewrach: yay!!!
HitJulius: nigga that shit blogged
HitJulius: no rush
HitJulius: sorry
HitJulius: man i want an avalanch
brandnewrach: i want a shake from steak and shake
HitJulius: OH MY GAWDD
HitJulius: with thos skinny ass fires
HitJulius: fries*
HitJulius: a chocolate chip shake with one of thos giant ass wafer cookis on top
HitJulius: go hard
HitJulius: harder than mos
HitJulius: t
brandnewrach: SO GOOOD
HitJulius: fuxos |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|01:07 pm] |
i took some new pictures. let me know what you think.
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| another myspace blog of mine |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|06:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
I just had an inspiring lunch with my brother and so here goes...
Attitude really is everything. ambition and talent are vital to a promising future, but strength of character is and a good heart can take me anywhere. a mind is a terrible thing to waste. I know my potential, and it's so much more than where i'm at, but i love each obstacle i have encountered because it has helped me to realize what is really important and long lasting and what isn't. I'm going to be a great artist. A teacher. A lover. A mother. We are all born with nothing to lose, but as we age, we can all go one of two ways. Our experiences can either as drag us down or lift us up. I've chosen the latter. I'm going to get through college, I'm going to continue to be a genuine, loving, passionate person no matter what happens to me because I know that is being true to myself. You are the one who chooses who is great enough to share yourself with. If someone doesn't like me, or chooses to judge me, than they are not worthy of being in my life. It's all about quality, not quantity. I am not going to coast through life, bearly getting by and letting others run me over. I'm special. and so are you. But we don't all see that. I'm writing this not only because I truly feel this way inside, but because I want to inspire those around me. We all have this potential, and nothing should stop us from achieving everything we've ever dreamed of. I don't look at my past and regret it. Its all a part of the tricks of the trade. We make a living by what we get, and we make a life by what we give. I'm broke now from moving out, but when I go back home and focus on school, save up money, then move back out again, I'll be more prepared. If I wouldn't have gone through this then I wouldn't have known how to do it better next time. Everything in life is a test. 10 percent is what happens to us and 90 percent is how we react to it. Regret nothing. I don't hate my ex for hurting me like he did. I thank him for giving me the experience of knowing not to just give my heart to anyone. I thank him for teaching me what kind of person not to be with. Love real people, not ideal people. And that brings me to another point, If you're around people who have no goals, no love in their hearts, no morality, no values, then you are setting yourself up to be influenced and riticuled to not live life. If you can be around people such as this and not lose focus, then I applaud you for your unwavering focus. But I really have grown to believe that we pretty much are who we associate ourselves with because we make the choice of sharing our lives with those people. Have standards for yourself. Change always starts first in your mind. the way you think determines the way you feel, the way you feel influences the way you act. It's all a choice.
"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered: Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies: Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you: Be frank and honest anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight: Build anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow: Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough: Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it was between you and god anyway. It was never you and them in the first place." |
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| myspace blog |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|12:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay | ] |
when love knocks at my door it's going to amazing. i'm ready for a man. not a boy. it's time for me to be with someone who treats me like a princess. i've never had that before. i want to experience it. i've always been caring and honest and sweet to my boyfriends. we all take the love that we think ourselves deserve, so i am not settling on less. life's too short to be pushed around. to be hurt time after time. I always felt like I was on a different level than who I was with. let love be beautiful and mutual!! Someone personable, understanding, down to earth, independent yet appreciative, and most of all, someone who understands ME. I believe we all have soulmates. but. not always just one. I've met a couple of my soulmates. they are my friends (guys and girls) and it's that connection, that beautiful silence where you don't have to say a word to eachother and still know how they feel and what they are thinking. Souls connected. I believe in it. We all must live our lives to the fullest and I will be happy for the day that my love will be returned, but for now all I can do is be me and know that nothing is wrong with me. I'm special, and someone will appreciate me. Don't ever settle for anything or anyone that you doubt. I'm happy for my experiences I've been through, I once was that naive girl who thought she could change that boy. Who gave him everything. But great love needs no changes and is kind and rejoiceful in the truth! The fact that I know what I deserve and am more happy with myself than I've ever been really feels good. I may still overthink and worry too much, but I've learned from dear friends that passionate people are so wonderful and there should be no shame in our thoughts and dreams. What a great night. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|02:13 pm] |
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who's never weak but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'll only let you down
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes to you
Someone to close his heart
Someone to die for you and more
You say you're lookin' for someone
To pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly
And to come each time you call
And will love you for your life
And nothin' more
but it ain't me babe
no, no, no it ain't me babe
it ain't me you're lookin' for. |
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brandnewrach's journal
